Today I began the reading during a lunch break at the elementary school I was observing at for my credential work. I tried to focus over the sound of all the kindergarteners playing during recess outside...it was difficult to focus for that reason but also for the same reason that I suddenly blurted out to my mom tonight, way before I felt ready to really talk about it, "I don't want to be a teacher."
I just feel like I'm sifting through SO much and right now. I don't know what I want to do with life, even though I'm pursuing a teaching credential. And I'm wondering..... what God is doing.
So as I was reading I realized I was doing a lot more talking than I was listening to what God was trying to say to me through His Word.
And by talking, I mean worrying.
By talking, I mean trying to figure it out on my own.
After months (at least) of not figuring it out...I should probably get the hint that I'm not going to figure it out on my own.
I have to have faith. This is where I am, this is what I am doing...and God is doing something with it and one day I'll see it. One day.
I trust Him and when I sit around all day worrying about things like this...I know I'm forgetting how trustworthy He is in those moments.
He's always trustworthy.
He's got everything figured out.
"Come and see what God has done, His awesome deeds for mankind! He turned the sea into dry land, they passed thought the waters on foot--come, let us rejoice in Him"(Psalm 66:5-6).
Jesus, I kinda skimmed through Your Word today...so there's probably a lot of really good points that went right over my head. But one thing was made clear to me...in that I remembered to cling to this, however dimly I feel it...You have a plan for me.
"those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (Is. 40:31).
I put what ounce of hope I have today to give, in You.
P.S. Proverbs 23:25 I probably could have been nicer to my mom today even in the midst of my vocational crisis....