Day 29: Yelling
1 Timothy 3:1-16
The Lord appoints the sun to shine by day and decrees the moon and the starts to shine by night, He stirs up the sea so that its waves roar-- The Lord Almighty is His Name.
Ah, Sovereign Lord, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for You.
Lord, You are the God who saves me. Day and night I cry out to You. May my prayer come before You; turn Your ear to my cry.
These days I feel like I'm searching for God's voice. When I come to the Word of God I know I'm hearing God's voice...that's what this book is. But is it too much to ask for God to spell out for me exactly what He wants me to do with my life?
Am I not seeking Him? Am I not trying to please Him?
It seems to me if I am seeking Him and trying to live my life in such a way to please Him, if I'm wanting to live my life in service, ministry, solely dedicated to God....shouldn't things feel different? Shouldn't I be seeing what God wants me to say "yes" to rather than all these "no's"?
If I'm not where You want me to be, yes God, I want You to close the door...but how many times is this going to happen?? How many doors are going to be closed before I get to finally walk through the right door?
I feel helpless and pathetic in this hallway...surrounded by closed doors. Surrounded by a hundred other doors that I'm just so afraid will close if I walk through.
I feel stupid for not being able to explain why I am STILL in this hallway. Why am I still here? I don't know! I want answers!
I want to obey. So tell me what to do!
And God if I've got to write honestly about what I'm going through and what You are teaching me and put it online for everyone to see, well, this is not what I wanted to be writing. I want to be confident and saying "Look at what God is doing!" I want to encourage others and tell them how much You are encouraging me and how reading the Bible every day is magical and wonderful and I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD because God sometimes even when I'm reading the Bible every day I have a bad, bad day and I still look up to the sky and yell WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING THOUGH.
I hear a lot of yelling. A lot of confusion and fear and questions and it's all very loud. But this other little voice is very tiny and full of lots of power and hope... it's feeling like a mere thread to hang out to, but at least it's something to hold onto: God is God. God is Creator. He has a plan. He knows what He's doing. He does a lot of things that we can't explain but it always works out. It always works out. Somehow.
He is leading somewhere.
Psalm 25: No one who hopes in You will be put to shame.