2 Timothy 1:1-18
What a crazy awesome day.
This morning at church I was faced with a lot of my own humanity and my own sinfulness and fear...and God redeemed it all so quickly and beautifully.
I have a bad headache and I'm really not good at writing stories the day of, but here goes:
This morning was really rough. I was exhausted and cranky and I wasn't happy to go to church. I came early to set up and it was supposed to just be me and a cajon player. We set up the whole stage but our cajon player didn't show up! We figured something must have happened to him so it was okay, but we were so tired we decided to leave the cajon with the microphones and everything set up.
I joked "we'll leave it up so Elijah has a seat."
The morning kept getting worse. It was blistering hot, my iPad with my chord sheets on it died, etc. But I got a little energized when I saw a group of about 10 new people walk in.
The first half of the service was a struggle for me, but on my way up to lead the second worship set after the sermon one of the new guys was waving me over.
I went to him and he whispered, "can I play the cajon?"
I laughed and said, "do you know the songs?"
When he said "no" I laughed it off and kept going onto the stage.
During the first 2 songs of my 3 song set though I pondered it. I considered the idea of letting him come up and play with me but simultaneously fears came up. "What if he doesn't know how to play?" "What if he throws me off?" and so on...but suddenly I realized.."who cares?" Who cares if he doesn't know how to play, or if he throws me off, or about any of my worries. This was totally a God thing and I don't care how I sound, the guy needed to feel welcomed and needed and what has God been teaching me lately about ministering to people? I needed to do this.
So I invited him up to play for my last song and it was so fun and exciting for everyone. And he was really good too! I felt like I was experiencing exactly what I wrote about yesterday... how obedience to God brings joy. And I saw what a difference it made.
I was afraid and I was judgmental and so many different things this morning and God redeemed it. And He also redeemed it for the original cajon player! His phone had died and his alarm didn't go off, he felt so bad about not showing but when I told him what ended up happening he was so excited too!
I had made the joke about someone coming to sit in the cajon seat and God said, "lol funny joke, but what if I took you seriously?"
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline" (2 Tim. 1:7).
I have reached the last epistle Paul ever wrote. I will talk more about this later, I'll need to since I'm not able to write in a way to give this topic justice in my exhausted state right now. I will for sure talk more when I come to the last chapter... But this book has been on my mind and heart a lot lately.
Nabeel Qureshi was an amazing man of faith who died recently of stomach cancer. I've only known of him since December when he spoke about 2 Timothy chapter 4 at my graduation at Biola, but his ministry has deeply affected me. When he spoke at my graduation he reinvigorated my desire to obey Jesus Christ and live my life totally devoted to Him.
This morning I was tempted to act timidly, but by the grace of God I took an opportunity to act in love...and what joy it brought me too.
Today I'm sure was full of many more opportunities to act in love that I didn't see or chose to not take. Lord, I pray You would continually open my eyes to see how You want to use me. I want to be willing. I want to be aware. I want to be open to whatever You want me to do.