Alright, I'm just going to go ahead and blame my job for my less-than-wordy posts lately. It's the fault of my job because I'm tired as I'm adjusting.
But I feel every day the battle. And if you saw me at my job maybe you would think that's dramatic...all I'm doing is helping people with bakery orders, clearing tables, seating tables, refilling drinks, etc. And maybe even if you were in my shoes you would think I was being dramatic, I don't know. But I feel the weight of sadness, the grief, that the people around me may not know Jesus.
Even if only one person around me was not a believer...I pray it would be enough for me to care deeply.
I don't know how or when, but I pray I am able to be a light in my workplace. Right now, I think my daily prayers are all tied up in James 1:2-5. I pray for the strength to endure. I pray for wisdom.
A lot of the times my focus is on "stay being nice." Even when things get overwhelming, when I'm getting tired, I've been clinging to just staying nice. In hopes that would be an example to others but more than that I think it's a strategy for myself to keep my eyes on why I'm really here.
But also, I think that I need to be more realistic. For one, I can't put that on myself. I don't even think God puts that on me. To live every day perfectly. I'm not Mary Poppins. I'm not Jesus. (Weird combo sorry). God is gracious and He has chosen me, flaws and all. And not that I should give up trying to be nice, that's definitely a good default I think. But I don't need to be afraid to make a mistake in that area, it won't all fall apart if I do.
And secondly, sometimes "nice" is not what people need. Sometimes people need to hear truth no matter how hard it is. Sometimes people need to understand how their actions affect others. Sometimes people need to know about Jesus, the amazing miraculous relevant uncompromising Jesus.
I pray though that I will only operate in this latter function when I am defending God's holy name and not my own pride.
These are things I've been learning about all my life, in church and Christian schools, and I've never had to live it and cling to it so constantly as I do now. Or at least I can't remember living like this ever before.
The Bible is a sword, God's Word is wisdom and life...and I need it moment by moment.
Gratitude: "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created." James 1:17-18