Imagine if someone who had deeply affected your life...someone who had been so influential that they changed your life drastically...someone who made you who you are today...someone you looked up to, someone you respected...imagine if this person told you that whatever it was that they did for you was actually the last thing on earth they wanted to do at the time. Imagine if they told you they resisted to the point that God Himself was angry about it. Imagine if they told you they were so, so close to never doing it at all.
Imagine if you were a slave in Egypt and Moses stood up to Pharaoh, freed you, and changed your life forever and Moses told you, "actually I didn't even want to."
I don't know if I would be as comforted as I am today by that confession. Today, I feel grateful for the story because of how I relate to Moses. I'm grateful to hear that someone who was so used by God was so scared and so imperfect. I'm grateful because it gives me hope that despite how reluctant and fearful I can be to obey, God can still use me. But if I'm the first reader of this confession...an Israelite...I may not be happy to read it. I may be a little upset, disappointed. But more than that, I think the most disappointed person must have been Moses.
Moses saw all that God did through him and what a painful and vulnerable thing to not only remember but to record his own weakness: "I didn't want to do the thing God wanted me to do...can you imagine if I hadn't."
At this point it doesn't pack the same punch...so it's easier to make this confession. But this is the very story that God brought to my mind when I felt the call to blog. Right now looking at the Bible Diary following and influence it seems silly to compare it to Moses's ministry...and I'm not really...I'm comparing myself though to his weaknesses because I shine no brighter. Even though this project's influence is faint compared to the Exodus of the Israelites...obviously...I can already say what a shame it would have been if I continued to resist. I resisted and if I had not listened when God said, "hey, why aren't you obeying me?" I wouldn't have made the relationships I've made, I wouldn't have had the conversations I've had, I wouldn't have read the Bible for nearly 5 months daily...
I wouldn't be here where God wants me.
Thank you, Moses, for making it clear as day that you were never a hero. Thank you, Moses, for making it clear as day that God can use anyone. Thank you, Moses, for confessing it all so that I can thank the One I really need to thank.
Thank You, Lord.