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Birthday Wishes

Today is my birthday, but we celebrated last night. We had a spaghetti dinner with family, like always. We got a lemon berry cream cake from my work (amazing) and we played pictionary and charades. We had daisy and mermaid decorations, which everyone thought was funny as it is my 24th birthday....but I apologize for nothing.

Besides the little party I had last night and presents and delicious cake... my routine has not been all that different for my birthday. I went to work at 8am yesterday and got off at 3pm. I came home and showered. Today I woke up early to get coffee and make my PowerPoint so I could lead worship at church. I wore the same clothes, I ate the same food, I worked just as hard. And not that birthdays are supposed to be like little vacations or something, but it's interesting because maybe there is something about birthdays that makes one more attentive to blessings.

On my birthday I expect it to be good. I wake up with a blaring headache but "it's my birthday today!"

The birds are singing, the coffee is delicious, I love my clothes, look at all the cute dogs on their walks, wow, thank You Jesus there is no traffic on Sunday mornings, I'm excited to see all the same people I see all the time.

There must be something about birthdays because as forced as it may sound, everything feels a little bit more special on your birthday. I seem to notice the blessings God already put in my life that much more.

On the other hand, birthdays can also bring an unhealthy dose of dissatisfaction. Maybe I want my birthday to feel like a mini vacation. I don't know. It's like it brings to the surface all the wants and expectations I carry around all year long.

Every year I make a tiny wish before blowing my candles. Maybe I'm the only one my age who still does that, but again, I make no apologies. I make the wish really quick and silently, it's like a little prayer in my heart. I make one wish, one ask. One thing to throw out to God, this is what I really want.

And as silly as it feels to admit all that, what's worse to admit is what I've been wishing for all these years. Every year I wished for a boyfriend. It's so stupid and I hate admitting it, but I never really thought about how long-standing that wish has been until this year.

Because this year when the cake was in front of me and the singing stopped "Happy birthday to you...and many're 24...." I breathed in really quick to blow out the candles and thought "I wish to love Jesus more. I want to want Jesus more."

It wasn't until that moment that I realized all these birthday wishes have been like little heart checks.

I have to credit the Bible Diary. This has been a challenging but rewarding ordeal. I am 292 into this project...almost 300 days and this is exactly the outcome I would have hoped for. It's like that game "don't think just say the first thing that comes to your mind." It helps you make helps you know what your gut is saying and my gut wants Jesus. God's Word has found its way into my core.

Praise God, praise God.

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