Keep My Lamp Burning

July 31, 2018

2 Chronicles 11:1-13:22

Romans 8:26-39

Psalm 18:37-50

Proverbs 19:27-29

 

For some reason I have been really, really uninterested in reading the Bible the past few days....maybe the past weeks...I've lost track of time. I want to blame the Chronicles books because OH MY WORD THEY ARE SO BORING. I already read all this! It's basically a word-for-word account of the Samuel books and the King books. BORING. It was interesting the first time, but now it's just overload. And on top of that I'm discouraged because even though it's the SAME thing, there's still new stuff....I'm discouraged because it seems like maybe all this time I've been missing stuff even as I'm devotedly reading. 

 

I want to blame it all on that. But the truth is I think I've been depressed. I'm working too much, I'm exhausted. "Drained of one's physical or mental resources." Me. I've chosen to cut down my hours at the restaurant (it hasn't kicked in yet) because I'm just too plain tired...I'm getting burnt out and I don't like how moody and cranky I am because of it. 

 

And it all added up to me feeling like reading the Bible and blogging was just a big giant chore. I didn't want to read the stupid Chronicle books and be faced with my own appartently careless reading...and I didn't want to sift through how I was feeling because I didn't know what was going on...all I knew was I'm tired and I'm being a jerk to everyone. And I still don't know what is going on, but I feel better today, and I'm guessing maybe I've been depressed. 

 

So I'm cheating. I'm not going to finish the Chronicles and I'm not going to re-read the Psalms (because this reading plan has me read that whole book twice) and I'm going to read Romans and Proverbs. I'm too tired and I've already read this stuff! I'm going to stop being hard on myself and yes, I'm going to cut corners. Because this has been a rough little window of time for the Bible Diary. And I'm going to give myself grace. 

 

In the midst of that, I am hoping that God will reignite the passion I had for this project September 20, 2017 because there are only 50 days to go. 50 days. I didn't realize that until just now as I said it. Even if right now is hard, it has been a good 315 days and I am SO tremendously grateful for them. God, what a good God to give us the Bible. 

 

I am trusting in these last 50 days that God is indeed this God: "You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28 

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